Deep Inner Decisions that Allow Survivors to Heal

By Ellen P. Lacter, Ph.D.

Choices of Strength and Healing Positions of Defeat
To choose life. To consider death as an option.
To have deep inner reasons to live. To simply exist or look to others for reasons to live.
To find safety if suicidal feelings are not controllable. To look to others to magically stop suicidal feelings.
To hunger for truth, despite the pain, for freedom. To run from truth and hope for healing without pain.
To take charge of one’s memory work. To delegate memory work to therapists or others.
To be a loving parent to one’s child parts. To seek an external caregiver for one’s child parts.
To be determined to love oneself. To give into feelings of unworthiness or defilement.
To defeat fear (except truly self-protective fear). To allow life choices to be fear-driven.
To defeat anger (except truly self-protective anger). To displace anger onto others or let inner parts do so.
To choose sex only in true, healthy relationships. To allow parts to sexually act out or be victimized.
To discover and process the trauma that causes parts to want to act out destructively or self-destructively. To allow parts to be destructive or self-destructive.
To be a thriver, to have an internal locus of control. To be a victim, to have an external locus of control.
To be the leader of one’s healing team. To want, expect, or demand that others lead.
To connect with others, to have close relationships. To isolate.
To be kind and considerate of helpers and loved ones. To relate to others as if they are not doing enough.
To be financially self-sufficient, or work toward this. To expect others to take responsibility for one’s life.
To lead. To have a mission to help others. To be childlike, to look for others to be caretakers.
Integration (or preserving a few co-conscious parts). To let dissociated parts take executive control.
To be spiritually centered. To have a weak spiritual foundation. 
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